Damn the Ponytail! Outtake: A Proper Icing

Damn the Ponytail! is raw. That’s no accident. Going into this project I wanted the book to have an Anthony Bourdainesque feel to it, which tends to be my own writing style anyway. Raw and concise. Yes, yes, that’s the complete opposite of my conversational style – I can talk for hours.

In that rawness, it’s no surprise that the book can make you cry. I know – I cried while writing it, cried while editing it, and cried while re-writing it. But it should make you laugh, too.

After it published, I promised I’d share some insight into how I wrote it and that I’d share some outtakes – scenes that didn’t make the cut. Here’s another outtake, and one that hopefully will make you laugh.

A Proper Icing (Lil)

It was the height of the Smirnoff Icing trend. Or so it had been for me. I’d “Iced” anyone I could. Finish the NYC Marathon – Iced! (with a 24-ouncer). Blow out your birthday candles – Iced! At one point, I carried bottles of Smirnoff Ice in my pockets just to block potential retribution.

Then my world view changed. Brittany’s water broke way too early and life deserved seriousness.

We sit in Brittany’s hospital room and chat. And though she’s talking about topics that are probably important, my mind wanders to the unknown danger she may be in and our Lil may be in. I look beyond her and out the window and stare into the clouds. She interrupts my daze, “Ashley and Shelley are almost here,” she says. I nod still unable to pull myself back from my stare. We’re quiet for a while and then my sisters-in-law walk into the room.

They hug and kiss their sister Brittany and then they hand me a small, paper gift bag. “This is for you,” they say. It’s adorable and I smile at the mere fact they thought of me. Reaching my hand into the bag, my brain switches from worry to confidence. Brittany and I have so much love and support from our friends and family. We will be fine.

My hand digs inside the bag and grasps a cool, glass bottle. I pull out a bottle of Smirnoff Ice. They got me. They got me good. I take a knee, laugh, and down the revenge as it’s supposed to be served -lukewarm and malty.

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